Uncover the subtle signs of infidelity in a narcissistic relationship. Learn the 14 things narcissists say when they’re cheating—and protect yourself from manipulation.
Let’s be honest: Narcissists aren’t exactly known for their honesty. And when they’re cheating? Forget about a straightforward confession.
Instead, expect a carefully crafted performance, filled with gaslighting, deflection, and just enough truth to keep you off-balance. This isn’t about catching them red-handed; it’s about recognizing the subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs hidden in their words. This post is your decoder ring.
Narcissists cheat because their inflated ego demands constant validation and attention. A committed relationship, with its inherent boundaries, simply can’t satisfy that insatiable need. So, they seek it elsewhere – often secretly, and always with a trail of carefully chosen words.
The Gaslighting Gambit:
This is the narcissist’s bread and butter. Expect phrases like:
- “You’re being too sensitive.” (When confronted with evidence or suspicion).
- “You’re imagining things.” (To dismiss your concerns entirely).
- “You’re crazy.” (A classic narcissistic tactic to invalidate your feelings).
- “You’re the one who’s always suspicious.” (Projecting their own guilt onto you).
These aren’t accidents; they’re deliberate attempts to control the narrative and make you question your sanity.
Related: The Texts That Shut Down a Narcissist (And You Can Do It Too!)
The Deflection Dance:
When directly confronted, a narcissist will rarely take responsibility. Instead, expect masterful deflection:
- “Why are you always bringing this up?” (Changing the subject to avoid accountability).
- “You’re the one who’s been distant lately.” (Blaming you for their behavior).
- “I’m just stressed at work.” (Using a convenient excuse to avoid the real issue).
- “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” (Minimizing the severity of their actions).
The goal is to shift the focus away from their infidelity and onto your perceived flaws or shortcomings.
The Love Bombing Loophole:
Even amidst the cheating, the narcissist might try to maintain a facade of affection:
- “I love you more than anything.” (Said with hollow sincerity).
- “You’re the only one for me.” (While secretly seeing someone else).
- “I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again.” (A hollow promise, quickly broken).
These are designed to keep you hooked, to maintain the supply of attention and validation they crave. Don’t fall for it.
The “Victim” Voice:
Narcissists are masters of portraying themselves as victims:
- “She/He was flirting with me; I couldn’t help it.” (Shifting blame to the other person).
- “I was just being friendly.” (Minimizing their actions).
- “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” (Expressing fake remorse without taking responsibility).
They’ll paint themselves as innocent bystanders, caught in a situation they couldn’t control.
Recommended: The Myth of Perfect Love
The Solution: Trust Your Gut:
There isn’t a specific phrase that definitively exposes infidelity, but if you recognize a pattern of gaslighting, deflection, love-bombing, or victim-playing, along with other behavioral shifts, trust your intuition. Often, your gut feeling is accurate. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Your well-being is more crucial than decoding things narcissists say. Don’t waste time trying to unravel their lies; prioritize protecting yourself.
What are your experiences with narcissistic manipulation? Share your insights in the comments. Let’s help each other navigate these treacherous waters.
