Discover the behaviors that hinder conflict resolution in relationships. Explore the negative actions that impede healthy communication and learn how to address them effectively. Uncover what shuts down conflict resolution for a harmonious partnership.
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If you search "how to build a strong healthy relationship?" On Google, you'll find lots of advice.
But the truth however is, no advice or hack can be able to save you from having a litany of failed relationships if you don't know how to deal with conflicts in relationships. Hell, if you don't understand what shuts down conflict resolution.
So, if you're hoping to develop more healthy and positive relationships, if you want to avoid incessant relationship failures, here are conflict patterns, styles, or behaviors you should avoid to make it happen.
#1. Threatening Your Partner
If you or your partner resort to threats during arguments, chances are your relationship is teetering on the brink of failure.
When partners threaten themselves with breakups, divorce, harm, or any other form of threat, they make their relationship less secure. Not just that, it becomes more difficult for them to communicate as they’ll either try to hide things from each other or talk less about their problems.
And the worse part?
Their relationship becomes a battlefield fueled by frustrations, pains, and distrust as they will keep having conflicts upon conflicts.
People often resort to threats during conflicts to force their partner into submission or to control them by taking advantage of their fears, ignoring the fact that threats during conflicts is one of what shuts down conflict resolution in relationships.
That's dangerous. Because most often, relationships where either of the partners consistently threatens the other, are either short-lived or become a mess.
Randi Gunther Ph.D. of Psychology Today says:
"When partners resort to threatening as part of an argument, they are clearly interested in dismantling or invalidating their partner’s capacity to impact the relationship in any way. Over time, the threatened partners either capitulate, or leave them."
#2. Being Silent During Arguments
The tendency to remain silent rather than opening up and addressing the issue at hand hurts or damages relationships because it's part of what shuts down conflict resolution in relationships.
If you're fond of going mute during conflicts with your partner for whatsoever reason, you're simply dragging your relationship towards its failure.
Expressing or telling someone how they got you angry or trying to figure out how to resolve the conflict will always help settle any problem you're facing.
If only you will learn to avoid shutting out your partner during arguments and communicate effectively with your partner, your relationship might survive the test of time.
Also read: Top 5 Life Lesson Quotes About Relationships You Should Know
#3. Criticizing Your Partner
Most people are fond of criticizing their partners whenever they're angered or triggered.
But I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sure you also know it isn't. Who wants to be criticized relentlessly?
The truth is, habitual criticism makes you a toxic partner and ruins your relationship in the long run, because consistent criticism is one of what shuts down conflict resolution in relationships.
You might think that you're protecting yourself but in reality, you're harming your partner's self-esteem, destroying the intimate bond between both of you, and worst of all, you're forcing your partner to lose trust in you as your partner will always feel wronged and betrayed.
The bottom line?
Criticism hurts and ruins relationships. No wonder it's the first of John Gottman’s famous Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse which predicts divorce with more than 90% accuracy as Steven Stosny, Ph.D. of Psychology Today wrote.
Discover: 10 Ways to Reignite Sexual Passion in Your Relationship
#4. Pressuring Your Partner For Answers
Whether you're attempting to resolve the problem or seeking transparency, consistently pressuring your partner or trying to force words out of his or her mouth will break your relationship.
(In fact, putting your partner in difficult situations or deliberately making things difficult for your partner disrupts your communication—Of course, no relationship survives without effective communication.)
You'll be forcing your partner to be defiant and rebellious if you keep causing him or her distress with your quests for answers.
The worst part?
They'll be compelled to give you tons of half-truths which will, in turn, in-plant trust issues in your relationship.
When this happens, the relationship becomes full of fights, arguments, and conflicts. It may eventually lead to separation or divorce. That's why pressuring your partner for answers is one of what shuts down conflict resolution in relationships.
Related: Will I Ever Find Love? 7 Productive Things to Do While Waiting for Your Soulmate
#5. Being Overly Defensive
One of the most common mistakes most people make is that they always get defensive to every request made by their partners.
They relentlessly flip whatever challenge, criticism, and even inquiries or requests to the other person.
But here's the problem: Defensiveness destroys relationships perfectly well.
Randy Conley from leadingwithtrust.com says:
"It creates a climate of contention and tension that eventually leads to a loss of trust, alienation, and separation."
As Randy says, being overly defensive breaches trust and brings about breakups and divorce.
So one should learn to be open-minded or develop an attitude of openness because that's the best way to cure defensiveness.
#6. Being Contemptuous
Do you often resort to ridiculing, taunting, or mocking your partner during arguments?
I hope you won't be shocked to learn that you're wrecking your relationship?
Maybe you often do so out of anger or some other reasons best known to you.
But the truth is, if you constantly tease your partner in a mean-spirited way, it's obvious that your relationship is in the dumps.
By calling your partner names, making scornful or disdainful comments aimed at insulting your partner, or rolling your eyes at him or her, you're loudly telling your partner that you're far better than them.
Which is a clear sign that you're feeling contempt for your partner.
And you know what?
Contempt is said to be the best predictor of divorce according to Psychology Today.
Your relationship won't stand a chance in hell of surviving if you're so bent on bullying your partner and imposing your mindset, attitudes, or way of thinking on your partner.
Final Insights
Reading this piece will make most people smile and nod their heads in agreement and will precisely avoid none of these conflict behaviors.
Of course, you won't do so.
Because you know that knowledge becomes a waste when it's not put into practice.
And that's exactly why you've already figured out which of these behaviors you need to stop doing.
I'm sure you do know that even the best advice or hacks on earth on it's own won't make you have healthier relationships.
Unless you're willing to do something. So you need to avoid these negative conflict styles that ruin relationships.
And building healthy and strong relationships will be easier than you think.
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