Let’s stop pretending.
This isn’t just about sex.
This is about identity. Self-worth. And that deep ache for something more that gets misdiagnosed as love.
The truth is ugly: some women chase men who ruin them—and they call it romance.
They stay for the highs, even when the lows feel like death.
They stay because somewhere along the way, chaos started feeling like home.
And no one talks about it. Until now.
1. Confidence Feels Like a Drug (Even When He’s a Disaster)
He walks in like he owns the place.
His words drip charm. His body language screams, I don’t need you—but you want me.
That level of sexual confidence? It hits your nervous system like dopamine.
You know he’s wrong for you.
He doesn’t text back. He forgets your birthday. He talks about his ex like she was just here five minutes ago.
But none of it matters when he looks at you like you’re edible.
Why?
Because that look feels like proof.
Proof that you’re desirable. That you’re seen. That maybe you’re finally enough.
Even if it’s a lie.
It’s not the man you’re addicted to. It’s the ego validation.
It’s the whisper in your head that says, “If he wants me, maybe I’m not as broken as I thought.”
But chasing validation from broken people only breaks you more.
2. Sleeping With Him Feels Like Flipping Off Your Childhood
Good girls don’t sleep with tattooed chaos machines.
Good girls don’t stay out ‘til 2 a.m. waiting for a man who ghosts half the week.
But you’re not trying to be a good girl.
Not anymore.
Sleeping with him feels like rebellion.
Not against him. Against your upbringing. Against the cage of politeness and perfection.
You were taught to shrink. To smile. To sit still and wait to be chosen.
He doesn’t choose you. He devours you.
And that makes you feel powerful—even if you’re actually losing power every day you stay.
But let’s call it what it is:
You’re not in love. You’re protesting your past.
And he’s just the middle finger you throw at everything you were forced to be.
Also read: 7 Brutal Truths That Separate a Boyfriend Who Wastes Your Time From a Man Who’ll Marry You
3. The Fixer Fantasy Is Harder to Kill Than You Think
You know he’s a wreck.
He’s emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, probably broke, maybe even addicted to chaos.
But part of you believes you can save him.
That you’ll be the one woman he won’t screw over.
That your love will be the miracle that turns his storm into peace.
This isn’t logic. This is legacy.
Women have been conditioned to nurture, heal, and “wait for him to grow.”
So instead of asking yourself why you’re settling, you start building the dream:
“He just needs time.”
“He’s never felt this before.”
“I can see the good in him.”
Even feminist women fall into this trap. Because it’s not about weakness—it’s about the ancient ache to be chosen by the one who never chooses anyone.
But here’s the truth: you’re not saving him. You’re just bleeding for him.
And he’s not changing. He’s enjoying the free therapy.
4. When You’re Starved, Even Crumbs Taste Like a Meal
You haven’t felt seen in years.
Maybe you grew up emotionally neglected. Maybe your last relationship was all duty and no desire.
Then he shows up.
And suddenly, you’re alive again.
He texts you “thinking about you” at 2 a.m. and your heart races.
He gives you half-effort and you treat it like a wedding vow.
Why?
Because your heart has been in a drought—and he’s the first drop of rain.
But it’s not love.
It’s scarcity.
It’s emotional hunger that makes the bare minimum feel like devotion.
And the more you starve, the more you convince yourself this is all you deserve.
5. You’re Not In Love—You’re High on Anxiety
Let’s go dark for a second.
That rush you feel when he finally replies?
That butterflies-in-the-stomach chaos when he pulls you close after ignoring you all week?
That’s not passion.
It’s a chemical cocktail.
Your brain is confusing cortisol (stress) + dopamine (relief) with desire.
It’s addiction, not affection.
You’re not in love—you’re riding a neurological rollercoaster.
And every high is followed by a brutal low.
But you chase the high anyway.
Because safety feels boring now. Predictability feels like punishment.
You’re chasing trauma, dressed up as love.
6. You Know You Should Leave… But Shame Chains You to the Bed
You’ve seen the memes.
You’ve read the books. You’ve had the girl talk.
You know this man isn’t for you.
But still—you stay.
Why?
Because leaving would mean facing yourself.
Admitting you got it wrong.
Admitting you betrayed your own standards.
Admitting that this whole time, you’ve been giving your body to someone who barely gives you his time.
So you stay.
Not because you’re weak. But because shame whispers, “Leaving now makes you look like a fool.”
But here’s the twist:
Staying keeps you the fool.
Leaving? That’s when the healing starts.
Discover: 7 Rare Things High-Value Women Do That Make Men Regret Losing Them Forever
7. Sex Feels Like the Only Way to Matter
Some women don’t use sex for love.
They use it to survive.
With bad sex gods, sex becomes the only currency that works.
No love. No loyalty. No vulnerability.
Just chemistry.
And if you want closeness, you have to pay in orgasms.
So you do.
You keep giving your body, hoping your heart will be enough one day.
But sex isn’t love.
It’s not even intimacy in this context.
It’s manipulation.
And every time you trade it for affection, you lose a little more of your soul.
8. You’re Afraid the Right Man Will Bore You
The scariest truth?
You fear healthy love.
The kind that texts back. The kind that makes plans. The kind that doesn’t need to be chased.
You call it “too available.”
You call him “too nice.”
But what you really mean is:
“He doesn’t trigger my wounds.”
And that feels weird.
Because you’ve gotten so used to chaos, your nervous system thinks calm is a red flag.
So you run.
You run back to the man who leaves you empty but excited.
Back to the bad sex god who makes you feel alive while he’s killing your self-worth.
Suggested reading: 6 Dirty Secrets Cheating Men Hope You’ll Never Discover
You Don’t Need Another Bad Boy. You Need a Resurrection.
This isn’t about him.
It never was.
It’s about you.
The parts of you that ache for worth. The places inside still starving for love. The shame that whispers, “This is all you get.”
But it’s a lie.
You don’t have to stay.
You don’t have to keep calling trauma passion.
You don’t have to keep sleeping with your loneliness and waking up with regret.
You can rewrite the story.
One boundary at a time.
One red flag walked away from.
One brave “no more.”
Because you’re not a rehab center for broken men.
You’re a damn revolution.
Start acting like it.
FAQs
1. What exactly is a “bad sex god”?
It’s the guy who’s incredible in bed but emotionally reckless. He gives you heat, not heart.
2. Is it wrong to crave that kind of intensity?
No. But it becomes dangerous when intensity blinds you to disrespect or manipulation.
3. How do I know if I’m stuck in this cycle?
Ask yourself: Do you feel more anxious than peaceful? Are you afraid of calm, stable love? That’s your clue.
4. Can a “bad sex god” change?
Only if he wants to. And he rarely does. Your love isn’t rehab.
5. What’s the first step to breaking free?
Name it. Admit it. Then cut off the supply. No contact. No crumbs. Just self-respect.
Now Your Turn
Have you ever stayed hooked on someone who wrecked your peace but thrilled your body?
What made you finally walk away—or are you still stuck?
Drop your story in the comments.
Because the more we talk about it, the less power shame has.
And sister, you deserve power.
John Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life.
