Imagine you’re sitting at a coffee shop table, staring at a hot and attractive girl at a nearby table, she looks calm, friendly, and inviting.
You’re convinced she will make a “perfect” mate.
And so you consciously make her notice you by making charming eye contact with her before approaching her confidently.
You effortlessly got her attracted to you with your charming conversation skills, she gracefully gave you her number, and that’s the beginning of a romantic affair with her.
Sounds like a dream, right? Like it can’t possibly be real?
But it is.
In this post, I’m going to show you how to effortlessly approach any girl and win her heart and I’ll do it without filler, fluff, and long-winded details that don’t really matter.
So let’s dive in, shall we?
You know too well that knowing how to approach women is an important dating skill and ability that will change your love life for good…
You also know that some guys are naturally good at reaching out to different kinds of girls, attracting and charming them, flirting with them, having good times with them, and a lot more…
And you also know that some other guys barely even summon up the courage to talk to girls they’re not so attracted to let alone approach beautiful and attractive girls they’re crushing on. Maybe you’re one of them.
And if you are, the good news is:
Approaching women can be learned and mastered and in fact, you can be significantly better than those guys who do it naturally because you have an undying desire to improve and learn more while they don’t.
And I can almost hear you thinking…
How can I confidently and successfully approach girls?
Well, here are 9 amazing steps to approach any girl and wow her:
1. Study the situation
When you are trying to figure out how to approach a girl and talk to her for the first time, consider scanning and studying the happenings around her.
If you find yourself with her in a classroom, what class is it? If everyone is busy with the TV, what are they watching? If you’re in an event, what event is it? In short, just take note of the happenings around you.
Even what she’s up to should be under your notice. Is she talking to anyone? Is she fascinated by what’s happening or distracted? Is she alone or In a group? Is she busy with her phone?
Just like smart footballers know what is happening around them in the pitch — they know where their teammates are, they know where there are opponents are, in fact, they know who is behind them because it helps them to make tactical and effective decisions once the ball is in their possession.
So also, knowing what is happening around you and your target girl will help you make the most out of the approach as you’ll always use all the Infos to your advantage whenever you shoot your shot.
Read Also: 4 Simple Steps To Outrageously Build The Confidence To Approach Girls
2. Brainstorm conversation starters
Getting an intro or conversation starter beforehand eliminates discouraging thoughts like the famous “what am I going to say to her?”
Not just that, when you know what to say to her before approaching, you’ll be saving yourself the embarrassment of nervously choking up on what you’re going to say.
I often take a few moments to map or plan out an intro before approaching a girl I feel attracted to. Because I don’t want to nervously stammer or even choke up on what I want to say as that will make the whole situation a bit awkward.
But this does not mean I map out the whole conversation in my head because I know that this might introduce anxiety which will cripple me into inaction. And you shouldn’t also.
In fact, as a general rule of thumb, you shouldn’t get yourself worked up trying hard to come up with cheesy and sophisticated pickup lines.
Because using pickup lines might portray you to be a funny guy and when you can’t follow up with the personality you’re trying to fake, you’ll end up making a big fool of yourself.
Instead, you should try to keep it simple and natural, and most importantly, you should try to be direct by showing her your intent.
In essence, don’t use lines like:
“Excuse me please, do you know where I can find xxx“
Because you’ll be wasting your time as she might just tell you what you asked for and take her leave.
So what are we to do instead?
I usually start with a nice compliment and the reason I’m talking to her. For example:
“Hi excuse me, I’ve been watching you for some minutes and I think you’re so cute, so I decided to meet you and see if your personality matches your looks. My name is …”
“Hi, excuse me, I don’t know how this might sound but I think you’re beautiful and would love to know you better. My name is…”
Mind you, don’t try to look serious because you’re not fighting with her. Instead, you should be playful and full of smiles or maybe you should consider winking at her when necessary.
3. Approach her confidently at the right time
Don’t overthink the whole thing.
Approaching a girl is quite easy and simple. Especially if you walk up to her at the right time.
That’s to say, you shouldn’t walk up to her when she’s deeply preoccupied with something because you’ll be interrupting her and that will make a bad first impression.
Don’t even try to approach her if she looks upset. Because she might be having a bad day and might not give you the positive result you desire.
Preferably you should reach out to her at an almost perfect moment. And how would you know the perfect moment?
Easy, just watch out for green light signals.
By this I mean, approach her if she’s in a positive mood and looks relaxed and inviting because that’s when she’ll be more receptive to your approach.
Approach her without hesitation if she happens to be interested in you and wants you to start a conversation with her. But how do you get to know she’s into you? Simple, if you catch her sending several glances or smiles your way. Then it’s obvious you got her.
Generally, you can approach her if she’s alone and not deeply involved in any activity or conversation. You can as well walk up to her if she appears to be bored because, at that moment, she’ll be most grateful for your kind distraction.
The main goal is to wait for the right moment that almost guarantees a successful approach.
Next up, walk up to her confidently and if you’re nervous about it, just remind yourself that you’re doing so at the right moment and that you also know what to say to her she can only decide not to talk to you.
She’s just a girl and not a beast that will eat you up. So there is absolutely no reason to be nervous, anxious, or shaky about everything.
So man up and go after what you desire. Because real men always go after what their heart yearns for. And so you should because you’re a real man.
You might as well take a chill pill and assume you are talking to an old friend you’ve known for a very long time. As Dr. Christie Kederian, also known as the Date Doctor who is a recognized psychologist and professional match maker for both eharmony and match explained.
P.S While approaching her, endeavor to do so from the side or an angle because doing so from behind might startle her, and approaching her head-on is also intimidating.
Also Read: 9 Surefire Ways To Be Confident With Women In 2022
4. Project confidence with your body language
As a socially anxious person, approaching girls was a challenge for me.
Even when I summoned up all the courage I could to approach one, I find it challenging to keep eye contact and I don’t even have control over my body language as I tend to project an unconfident version of body language.
I usually don’t know what to do with my hands. Sometimes I fold them. Other times I pocket them. And a few other times my fingers fidget.
The truth is, slumped shoulders or other nervous habits could cost you the opportunity to win the attention and love of that cutie you’re attracted to.
That’s to say, your body language might make or break your long-term success when it comes to approaching women. Because how you act or do might sabotage your goal of making her yours.
Since, first impressions are almost everything, while talking to her you should exude a trustworthy air that will make her want to keep the conversation going.
And the best way to do that?
Is by projecting a confident version of your body language.
Hence, while standing, maintain a powerful posture by keeping your legs aligned with your shoulders and your feet about four inches apart. Let your weight be distributed equally on your both legs.
And while sitting, sit with your back straight and toward the back of the chair, and your feet planted firmly on the floor.
You should also avoid fidgeting or other nervous habits and above all, you should maintain healthy eye contact. By this I mean, you should ensure to look away from time to time especially when there’s a silence in the conversation.
5. Chat with her gracefully
The main thing about approaching girls?
No matter how charming your approach is, all your efforts will still end in the dumps if you don’t know how to actually have a good conversation with women.
Not only that, you will find it difficult to create an attraction bond with a girl if you never had a smooth conversation with her. You might not even get her number let alone think of hanging out with her some other time.
So you need to charm her with your amazing conversation skills. But the big question is:
How do you do that when talking to girls you find attractive seems distressing or nerve-wracking?
Well, it’s not as hard as you might think. All you have to do is:
Kick off with the conversation starters you already have at hand. And after the normal introductions, you should consider asking her some questions.
Because asking questions is one of the best ways to have effective communication with someone.
Questions help you learn more about that cutie you’re hitting on and also, asking questions increases likeability and makes a great first impression. You can derive your questions from the Infos you gathered in step 1 above. (Infos about the happenings around her.)
You should also try to compliment her sweetly on anything like how nice her outfit is or how great her tastes are if she tells you about her favorite movies, shows, artists, etc.
But don’t try to push too far by making your compliments overly personal. Let it just be clear and lightly personal. Or things might turn sour.
And lastly, make the conversation flow naturally by capitalizing on her opinions and your observations of the happenings around you.
For example, comment on the show that’s playing in the background, or ask her for a review of the book that’s next to her.
Or if she told you about the skill she would most like to master, ask her follow-up questions that show you’re invested in the conversation.
P.S You don’t have to make everything seem like an interview where you only ask questions and she answers. It’s a conversation and you are supposed to contribute (occasionally) to make things work smoothly.
6. Pay attention to negative non-verbal cues
You may play your cards well. You may do everything right. But what wasn’t meant to be won’t be.
Because every approach is not going to be successful no matter how well you play your cards. Some girls will still be uninterested, uncomfortable, and unreceptive to your approach and it’s normal.
Most girls won’t tell you they aren’t interested outright but will communicate it with their body language and non-verbal signals.
So you have to watch how a girl responds and how she acts during the conversation for red flags that indicates she isn’t interested in continuing the conversation let alone taking things further.
If she is avoiding eye contact, crossing her arms, giving you one-word answers, or tapping her legs nervously, it’s obvious she isn’t interested and you should let her be. Because there’s no point wasting your time on someone who makes everything seem like you are disturbing her peace.
But if she does the opposite. I mean, if she appears to be really invested in the conversation, then you might consider taking things further by taking the next step.
7. Ask for her number
Your efforts are almost fruitless if you don’t get her number at the end of the day so that you can keep communicating and even build something solid from there.
That is, If you really like her and she’s been receptive to your approach, and you want to build a new relationship between the two of you.
No doubt, asking for her number outright can seem intimidating but it’s something you can do.
If you find it really distressing you can always come up with subtle excuses like you want to get some recommendations for books to read, you want to learn more about her class, or anything that’s kind of related to what you’ve both talked about.
But I usually ask girls for their number directly instead of using any excuse because I know that it projects my confidence and straightforwardness, and it also helps them confirm my interest in them.
I mostly say something like, “would you mind if I gave you a call some other time?” Because it doesn’t make me feel like I’m desperate to get her number and I think they feel the same way too. What do you think?
Generally, if you feel like the conversation is naturally coming to an end, just muster the courage and ask for her number.
8. Suggest opportunities for further conversations
If you make it to this step, then you got every reason to run off celebrating like someone who just won a lottery.
Of course, you just had a successful approach and you should be really proud of yourself.
But don’t you think it will appear odd if you just leap for joy and run off after getting her number?
If you do, you’re not far from the truth, and here’s what you need to do instead:
Suggest opportunities for further conversations, hang out, or date.
By telling her you’d text her soon with the link to the video you both talked about or asking her if she would like to hang out for a concert or movie.
You should just use the topics you discussed during your conversation with her to create the invitation.
But mind you, there’s no point to press too hard because you mustn’t get a solid answer. The goal is to hint her that you’re interested in another meet-up soon.
9. Look for the best exit moment
Am sure that the last thing you would want is to end the conversation awkwardly and take your leave as if nothing happened.
That might leave a bad impression on her. But if you want to approach girls and leave them wowed, here’s what you need to do:
Pick a good moment and an equally good excuse you can think of, and end the conversation naturally.
During another awkward silence, give her an exit excuse, tell her to take care, and remind her that you’ll call or text her soon. Then walk away confidently.
Put an end to the reign of approach anxiety in your life
Approaching girls may seem intimidating especially if you are socially anxious or introverted.
But it’s not as hard as it may seem.
When you break the big and daunting task of approaching girls into smaller and simpler steps, you will find everything a lot easier.
You just have to know what to do in every step and you’ll put an end to the reign of approach anxiety in your life. Because one of the chief reasons why you’re finding it difficult to do what others normally do is the anxiety of not knowing what to do.
Follow the steps above and you’ll get over approach anxiety and rewrite the story of your love life. No more staying all day alone in your room watching Netflix or porn.
Go out and have fun with girls of your choice.
John Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life.