If you’ve ever felt ashamed of someone you love, you’re not alone. It’s a complex and painful emotion that can be difficult to navigate. In this blog post, we explore the reasons behind this feeling and provide insights on how to cope with it.
A lot of us might not consciously know how much our relationships form a part of our identity.
But it’s true… Psychology Today even confirms so.
I’m sure there are a lot of times you’ve felt really really proud of a partner’s traits, looks, or success. Because you know they’re enviable.
And this is exactly the same reason why a lot of people feel the complete opposite about their partners.
They aren’t really happy in their relationships because they’re ashamed of someone they claim to love. Hell, they’re even embarrassed by them.
As we’ll get into in the next seconds, some of the things that make one embarrassed about their partners and the underlying reasons behind them are trivial, meaningless, and illogical.
But they have such a strong hold on these people that they can’t help but feel embarrassed or ashamed of their partners.
If you want someone in your life, you have to be willing to want all of that person in your life. Or at least, you’ll need to accept their quirks and “embarrassing” traits or whatever. If not, you’ll struggle to be happy in the relationship.
That said, let’s take a look at some of the weirdly weird things about being embarrassed or ashamed of one’s partner.
How Much Does Having This Mindset Have a Hold on You
I promise you, I’m no goody-goody moralist.
What I’m about to say isn’t some sort of admonishment to shame one for being ashamed of someone they love.
It’s just an objective analysis of what’s necessary to rewire the way you think and feel about your partner.
Most people have a natural insecurity-driven tendency to let their partners and relationships determine their self-worth, social value, and how the world sees them.
Maybe you might be obsessed with scoring a point, elevating, or reinforcing your value, or even your “class” around your social circle.
And one of the best ways to achieve any of these is by having a partner with attractive and enviable physical and personality traits.
Hence, any lack thereof will make you helplessly embarrassed or ashamed of your partner, especially around your social circle.
Well, the biggest thing you need to give up to overcome this insecure and low-value mindset is:
The urge to tie your happiness, social value, and self-worth to your relationship and worse, what others might think of your partner or relationship.
For a happier life and even more fulfilling relationships, you just need to let go of these mindsets and behaviors. Sure, it won’t be easy, but it’s the easiest way to avoid being miserable in a relationship you otherwise should be happy in.
Whenever someone tells me they’re ashamed of someone they love, one question usually comes to my mind:
You’re sabotaging and even risking your relationship with someone your heart has chosen to fall in love with. Who might even be one of the best people you can ever have because you’re embarrassed about a part of them? Really?
The point isn’t to judge or beat you up. But to help you see things from the right perspective. And help you avoid making illogical or wrong decisions.
Just look at your relationship and your perceived self-worth. Next, consider how much the latter is dependent on the former.
For a lot of you, the answer might be: “basically a lot!”
If that makes you uncomfortable, embrace it. You should be a little uncomfortable and maybe upset with yourself. You should be uncomfortable with the fact that you’re unable to be responsible for your own happiness and fulfillment.
You should understand the cold hard reality that you’re likely going to spend the vast majority of your life more miserable than happy. When all you do is let outside factors direct your happiness and determine your worth.
To fix this, we have to go another level deep to understand the mindset you really need to have toward your relationship. As well as how to make it second nature.
Recommended reading: 5 Main Pillars Of Successful Relationships
This is How You Really Need to Think of Your Relationship
Being responsible for your happiness and having an independent sense of worth is only but first steps. They’ll surely ensure you don’t lose your self-confidence. And your general confidence in your relationship because of external factors. So that you can think of your relationship from the right angle.
But before that, you need to always ask yourself this question in a situation like this:
There must be a lot of traits and things about their personality that got you hooked in the first place.
And for you to still be with them until now, it means those same things that got you attracted to them initially have always been stronger than your perception of their shortcomings that’s making you doubt the relationship. Or feel embarrassed about the whole thing.
Some people find themselves often feeling embarrassed of their romantic partners’ physical appearance, ethnical backgrounds, financial status, etc. Because they feel their friends or whoever won’t be impressed or pleased with their partners.
I know this might sound like the good old cliche. But I sincerely don’t give a damn about what other people think of me. Let alone what they think of my partner.
As someone who has over the years, developed an independent sense of self and worth, I’ve long ago known that what matters is what I think about myself and my partner as the case may be. And not what others might think.
So what’s one of my best pieces of advice for someone who’s feeling ashamed of someone they love?
It’s as simple as thinking of what made you fall for them in the first place. And always bear in mind that you were initially happy with them. Plus you’re most likely still very in love with them.
And if that’s the case, why would you want to sacrifice your happiness and things that matter to you on the altar of validation and acknowledgment of others? Seriously, that’s how ridiculous it is. And even a stronger reason why you should quit doing so.
Because in the worst-case scenario, being extremely ashamed or embarrassed by your partner, means you can’t accept them for who they really are. It might also mean you aren’t just compatible.
Hence, if the reasons why you’re with someone in the first place aren’t enough for you to accept their “shortcomings”, then you might as well go your separate ways.
Get it? Got it? Good.
Suggested reads: 150 Cute Pet Names To Call Your Lover
John Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life.