Something’s off in your relationship. Your man seems more like a stranger recently, making you feel more alone than you might be if you’re single. And you can’t get your hands on why.
Of course, you know that you’re in one of the most amazing relationships in the world but why the sudden bland, distant, and strange behaviors from him?
Ugh. Men, right? What exactly do they want? Isn’t a good woman who at least cooks, cleans, supports him emotionally and even builds a family with him good enough? Are men ever satisfied? Of course… Yes.
I know and have heard of a lot of guys who never looked back after committing to their partners. Yes, they’ve been satisfied with their women, leading a happy life.
It’s just that your husband or boyfriend despite his flaws and imperfections knows you’re a good woman but there is a series of issues that can create distance in the relationship.
Even though your man’s sudden subtle and non-subtle acts of withdrawal, pulling away, or distancing himself from you has a lot to do with him than it has to do with you, there might be a handful of small triggers you might have unknowingly caused or even triggered leading to the sudden shift in him
1. He sees a different picture altogether.
When your husband or boyfriend seems to be walking away from what was meant to be your “forever-after-glamourous marriage or relationship,” it’s possible that he’s seeing everything from an entirely different glasses. You might be the only one viewing the relationship from overly rosy-colored glasses.
If this is the case, he’s not being emotionally immature or shying away from commitment.
Because if out of care and love that you have for him you in one way or another try to control every aspect of his life which includes how he spends his day, who he hangs out with, who he talks to on phone, how he spends his money, etc, with little or no respect for his boundaries while thinking that things are going great, he’ll only feel limited in his independence
And if out of familiarity, you directly or indirectly, listen terribly to him or find it hard to genuinely listen and understand his perspective or standpoints…
Or you always try to convince him to change his mind towards most of his choices and opinions, or worse, if his privacy and boundaries are not respected, no matter how much great things might seem to be going to you, he’ll feel frustrated by your endless acts of disrespect.
Or if instead of loving and accepting your significant other just the way he is, you’re so bent on playing the role of a guidance counselor and trying so hard to guide and shape him into your imagined version of a perfect partner, he’ll feel disconnected and may start pulling back emotionally no matter how much you might think things are going great.
The bottom line is, if your man seems to becoming more distant from you — even though things are going great, he might be seeing an entirely different picture from you and it’ll be wise to communicate and iron things out together.
2. You don’t seem to be the woman he fell for.
The love of your life might be drifting away from you because you’ve significantly strayed away from the woman he committed to in the first place. He no longer recognizes you. The new you is quite strange and somehow repels him.
Maybe it’s because men and women look at relationships from different perspectives like something I read a while ago state: “Men go into relationships expecting nothing changes while women go into relationships expecting things to change.”
Although, it’s quite unrealistic to expect someone not to grow and even change because change they say is constant.
But you, just like some women normally do, might have gone too far with changing up to the extent that you’ve become a completely different person from the person you were in the early days of the relationship.
Maybe you used to love watching him play video games but now you no longer likes it when he plays video games. Or maybe you now cook fewer times than you used to since the both of you moved in together while you used to cook anytime either of you visited…
Or maybe you now have shared quality time less frequently than you used to a year ago — plus you now decline his efforts to connect closely half of the time unlike a year ago when you never turned him down.
Your husband or boyfriend, like a lot of men out there, loves and appreciates his woman just the way she is when he committed to her. He doesn’t necessarily want her to change her personality or behaviors unless there are some specific traits or characters she possesses that he doesn’t like.
Because he appreciates her for everything she is emotionally, spiritually, and in their shared connection.
But changing significantly into what might be considered an entirely different person might be making your man care less about you.
Maybe you might have developed the personality, interests, and habits you possessed in the early days of the relationship out of a common need to fit in and to be accepted which is a huge mistake a lot of women make.
Instead of being the persons they truly are, they pretend to be someone else they think their partners might like. And then all of a sudden, they take off their masks expecting things to remain the same which is quite unlikely.
3. He feels he isn’t doing his job.
Want him to actually stick with you for the long haul? Acknowledge his efforts as a partner, especially in making his loved one feel cared for in every part of the relationship.
You might not be able to stop him from eventually pulling away even if you are a passionate and attentive partner, or have the physique you’re proud of, it doesn’t guarantee he feels happy, masculine, and fulfilled emotionally.
You might not be able to stop him from struggling with closeness and eventually becoming distant even if you spend a lot of close, intimate moments together, if you can’t always meet his quiet need for reassurance that he’s making his partner happy in meaningful ways.
If he feels he isn’t contributing as a partner, he may withdraw and create distance in the relationship.
Or he’ll struggle with discouragement and feelings of inadequacy until one day, one of you seeks connection elsewhere.
Even though it doesn’t sound great to hear that keeping him means supporting his confidence; your husband or boyfriend might be pulling away because you don’t encourage him, challenge him playfully, and help him feel valued, respected, strong, and confident.
This might seem like insecurity issues on the part of a lot of men but according to this interview, once a guy is in a relationship and cares about his partner, men often care more about their partner’s happiness and fulfillment than their own.
Recommended reading: 9 Subtle Signs He’s Emotionally Unavailable (And How to Protect Yourself)
4. He craves his independence.
Sometimes, he’ll want to walk away because he craves what it was like to be by himself again.
We can’t be truly happy in any relationship when it means sacrificing our independence.
Those of us that somehow end up making the mistake of giving in to the somehow overwhelming excitements of new relationships up to the point where it feels restrictive, might sometimes crave to walk out of the relationship to feel in control of our lives again.
So, if your man is recently behaving strangely and is creating more distance from you — although things are going great, he might be feeling like he’s losing grip on his independence and control of his life which can feel like a challenge to his sense of self.
This is not to justify that his pulling away is right, but he hopes things will get better if he does.
John Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life.
