Let me say this loud and clear: H*rniness is not the enemy. But losing control to it? That will silently wreck your confidence, your focus, your fire.
We don’t talk about this enough.
Especially as men.
We joke about it. We meme about it. But when you’re alone in your room, scrolling, fantasizing, and pretending it’s harmless? That’s when the real damage creeps in.
This is the post I wish someone wrote for me years ago.
I tried everything to stop being hrny. Not because s*x is bad. But because I hated feeling like it was running my life.
And finally… something worked.
1. I Named My Libido Like It Was a Person
Sounds crazy? Good. Crazy works.
I called him Lusty Larry.
Every time the urge came creeping in like a sleazy salesman, I’d talk to it.
“Not now, Larry. I’m writing. You’ll get your time when it’s earned.”
It gave me space. Psychological distance. What therapists call cognitive defusion.
You stop identifying as the urge. You start managing it.
We personify our inner critics. Why not our inner h.rn-dogs?
2. I Stopped Feeding My Brain Sneaky P.rn
Yeah, I quit p.rn. Big whoop.
But I was still watching Game of Thrones. Still scrolling Instagram baddies. Still reading spicy Pinterest quotes at midnight.
That’s p*rn, too. Just sneakier.
It keeps the libido simmering, just enough to distract you all day.
So I went nuclear.
No almost-nudes. No s*xy music videos. No erotic fiction. Cold turkey.
The first week felt like detoxing off sugar.
But then something wild happened:
My brain started resetting. It stopped craving constant stimulation.
Also read: 11 Ugly Truths About Why You Panic in Bed With New Women (And How to Kill the Fear for Good)
3. I Faced the Ugly Truth: I Wasn’t H*rny. I Was Lonely.
This one slapped me in the soul.
I’d feel the urge and think I needed release. But when I sat still and stared it down, I realized:
I wasn’t aroused. I was aching.
For connection.
For intimacy.
For meaning.
H.rniness was the costume my loneliness wore.
When I started building real friendships, challenging goals, and daily purpose?
The urges shriveled.
Not because I “conquered” lust.
Because I finally saw it for what it really was.
4. I Learned to Sit in the Fire
I started meditating with my urges.
Sounds masochistic? It kind of is.
I’d sit. Breathe. Feel the pulse. Feel the energy.
And do absolutely nothing.
No distraction. No escape. No shame.
Just presence.
It’s called urge surfing. Over time, the waves shrink.
You teach your brain: This urge won’t kill me. It doesn’t control me. I don’t have to act on it.
That kind of power changes everything.
5. I Made the Weirdest Playlist Ever
Look, I know how dumb this sounds.
But I made a Desire-Killer Playlist.
War chants. Sad indie ballads. Gregorian monk hymns.
Songs that snapped my brain out of “s*x mode” and dropped me back into my mission.
Because music can rewire your mood. Fast.
Whenever Larry got loud? I hit play.
Mood shifted. Larry shut up.
6. I Rewired My Fantasy Circuit
Instead of imagining bodies… I started imagining my life.
Giving a TED Talk. Driving through Italy. Being deeply admired.
Every s*xual fantasy got replaced with a life fantasy.
At first it felt forced.
Then it became automatic.
Eventually, my brain started craving those dreams more than s*x.
You can redirect dopamine. You just need to give it a better target.
Discover: 10 Juicy Truths About Pubic Hair You’ll Never Hear in Bed — But Should
7. I Turned Hrniness Into Creative Fuel
You want a productivity hack no guru will tell you?
Transmute your h*rniness.
Every time I got turned on, I gave myself a job:
Write something.
Not fluff. Not fake. Something raw. Something bold.
H-rniness became my alarm clock:
“You’ve got energy. Use it.”
That’s called s-xual transmutation. Napoleon Hill wrote about it in Think and Grow Rich.
It’s real. And it works.
8. I Became a Hrniness Detective
I started tracking.
When the urges hit. What triggered them. What I ate. How I slept. What I was avoiding.
Yes, I kept a H.rniness Log. Cringe and all.
Patterns emerged:
- TikTok scrolling = guaranteed spike
- Skipped meals = primal urges
- Boredom = danger zone
Once I saw the data, I could preempt the urges.
Hrniness became predictable. Manageable.
9. I Played the Future Regret Game
Before I gave in to the urge, I’d ask:
“Will I feel stronger or weaker after this?”
Almost always, the answer was obvious.
That 5-second pause rewired everything.
You give yourself a moment to choose self-respect.
It’s not about purity. It’s about power.
10. I Did Something Uncomfortable Instead
The moment the urge struck, I moved.
Push-ups. Cold water. A scary phone call.
Not punishment.
Redirection.
H.rniness became my signal:
“Do something brave. Now.”
And that energy? It started feeding courage instead of cravings.
I trained myself: When I feel h-rny, I act on purpose.
Suggested reading: If You’re Doing These 11 Things, Your S*x Life Is Already in Trouble
The Shift That Changed Everything
I stopped fighting h*rniness.
I started working with it.
I saw it not as a demon, but as raw, powerful energy.
Like fire, it can burn you… or it can warm your whole house.
The difference?
Whether you control it — or it controls you.
FAQs
1. Is it bad to be hrny?
No. It’s normal, healthy. But losing control to the urge repeatedly can wreck your focus and self-image.
2. Do I have to be celibate?
Not at all. This isn’t about suppression. It’s about mastery. Channel the energy.
3. How long did it take to feel change?
After 2 weeks of full commitment, the urges started losing control. After 30 days, I felt powerful again.
4. What if I fail and relapse?
Welcome to the club. Just don’t stay down. Every time you choose discipline, your brain gets stronger.
5. Is this about nofap?
Partially, yes. But this goes beyond that. This is about becoming the kind of man who owns his fire.
Now Your Turn
What’s the craziest thing you’ve tried to stop feeling h.rny?
What worked? What totally backfired?
Drop it in the comments.
You might just save another man’s focus, fire, or future.
And if you’re still struggling?
Try one thing from this list.
Not tomorrow. Right now.
You’re not weak for having urges.
You’re powerful when you own them.
John Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life.
