You can fake it to your friends. You can smile for the Instagram story. You can even convince your mom that you’re “fine.”

But deep down?

You’re dying inside.

Because love isn’t supposed to feel like this. Love isn’t supposed to shrink you, silence you, or make you feel like you’re doing time in your own life.

Here’s the raw truth no one wants to say out loud:

You’re not in love. You’re scared.

Scared to start over. Scared to be alone. Scared that maybe this is as good as it gets.

But it’s not.

These 11 brutal red flags will punch you in the gut if you let them. And if even one of them hits a nerve, you owe it to your future to stop pretending.

You Rehearse Your Love Life Like a PR Script

If you have to practice how to talk about your relationship, it’s already over.

You script your updates. You rehearse the words.

You smooth over the fights, sprinkle in a cute story, and wrap it up with a fake smile that hides the ache in your chest.

That’s not love.

That’s crisis management.

I once sat across from a friend at brunch who gushed about her boyfriend. But when I looked in her eyes, I saw a flicker of sadness she couldn’t hide. She was performing.

If your relationship has a “press release” but no peace? You’re not in love. You’re in damage control.

You Secretly Envy the Freedom of Single People

You see someone post solo pics from Bali, and you don’t think, “Good for them.”

You think, Damn… I want that.

You don’t daydream about matching pajamas and lazy Sundays. You daydream about hotel rooms where no one asks you to explain your mood.

You crave silence. Space. Sovereignty.

That’s not love.

That’s your soul begging for permission to exhale. 

Also read: 5 Ways People End-Up Ruining Their Relationships

You’re Relieved When They Cancel Plans

They text: “Hey, can we reschedule?”

And you feel it. That breath. That unexpected lightness.

It’s not disappointment. It’s relief.

Because you didn’t want to spend another night pretending. Pretending you’re okay. Pretending your smiles are real.

When someone’s presence feels like a chore, and their absence feels like oxygen, that’s not love.

That’s suffocation dressed up as commitment.

You Fantasize About Leaving More Than Staying

Every day, you picture it.

A new apartment. A clean break. Waking up alone and finally feeling alive again.

You imagine packing bags more often than planning trips together.

And when you do imagine your future… they’re not in it.

That’s not cold. That’s not cruel.

That’s your truth trying to claw its way to the surface.

You Panic When They Pull Away… But It’s Not About Love

They get distant, and your stomach knots.

You text. You overexplain. You double down.

But not because you miss them.

Because you’re afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of being the one who got left behind.

You confuse panic with passion.

I’ve been there. Staying in a dead relationship because the idea of starting from scratch felt worse than staying stuck.

But staying because you’re scared isn’t love. It’s a slow emotional death.

Suggested reading: 5 Noteworthy Rules For A Working Relationship

You Worship the Past Because the Present Feels Empty

You keep saying, “But we’ve been through so much.”

You tell people about the early days like they’re some kind of legend.

But when you’re honest? You can’t remember the last time you felt that alive together.

Shared history isn’t the same as shared hearts.

Nostalgia can’t save you.

You’re not clinging to love — you’re clinging to what used to be.

You Defend the Relationship More Than You Enjoy It

You’re always explaining.

To your friends. Your family. Yourself.

You defend their behavior. You justify the weird silences. You cover for their lack of effort.

You’re exhausted, not just by the relationship — but by the performance.

If you spend more time defending your partner than experiencing joy with them, ask yourself why.

Love should be lived, not litigated.

You Live in the Present to Avoid the Future

You don’t talk about plans.

No trips. No dreams. No goals.

Just today.

Because even the idea of a future together feels heavy. Forced.

You’re not building anything — you’re surviving.

Every day is a negotiation. Every week is “let’s just get through this.”

That’s not a life. That’s a prison sentence with romantic photos as your alibi. 

You Silence Yourself to Keep the Peace

You don’t speak up anymore.

You swallow your truth.

Because when you tell them how you really feel, it becomes a war zone. So you choose silence.

But silence is expensive.

Every unspoken need, every buried boundary, becomes a brick in the wall between you.

Love isn’t the absence of conflict.

It’s the presence of courage.

You’re Hooked on Who They Could Be

They’re not who you need… but maybe one day they could be.

So you wait.

You hope. You bargain.

You convince yourself that if you love them hard enough, they’ll become the partner you deserve.

But here’s the painful truth:

You’re not dating them. You’re dating a fantasy.

And fantasies can’t hold your hand when you break.

You’d Rather Feel Pain Than Be Alone

You tell yourself it’s better to feel something.

Even if it’s anxiety. Jealousy. Emptiness.

Because being alone sounds worse. Lonelier.

So you settle for chaos because at least it’s not silence.

But that kind of pain? That isn’t love.

It’s addiction. To noise. To drama. To distraction.

Love doesn’t drain you. It grounds you. 

Discover: 5 of the Most Awful Signs of One-Sided Relationships

The Truth You’re Too Brave to Ignore

If even one of these hit you like a gut punch… you already know.

You’re not in love. You’re stuck.

Stuck in fear. In comfort. In patterns.

But guess what?

You’re also free.

Free to choose differently. Free to stop settling. Free to believe that real love doesn’t have to be survived.

You don’t need another year of “trying to make it work.”

You need a moment of radical honesty.

Start there.

Because the life you want? It starts the second you stop lying to yourself.