Discover the timeless truths about love that old couples live by—lessons Netflix rom-coms often miss. A heartfelt reflection on real relationships, commitment, and emotional connection.
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I turned 27 this February, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about love, it’s that the stories that last don’t play like the ones on Netflix.
I grew up in Nigeria, in a small Igbo family where love wasn’t about grand gestures—it was about quiet endurance. My parents have been married for over thirty years.
They’re traditional Roman Catholics—humble, steady, and inseparable. Their love has survived poverty, sickness, and the unpredictable pulse of the Nigerian economy.
I was born premature—seven months—and I’ve battled fragile health most of my life. Yet, through every hospital visit, every financial struggle, I saw something rare between them. Something most people today only read about or scroll past.
They’ve fought, forgiven, rebuilt. They’ve chosen each other over and over again—sometimes out of faith, sometimes out of habit, but mostly out of love.
And maybe that’s what Netflix will never teach you.
That love isn’t fireworks—it’s faithfulness.
Below are the seven things old couples know about love that romantic comedies often skip. These are truths I’ve seen in my parents—and hope one day to live myself.
1. Love Is Built in Ordinary Days
Rom-coms celebrate the “falling.” Old couples celebrate the staying.
Love doesn’t live in the proposal scene—it lives in mornings that begin with silence and end with shared prayers.
It’s the way my father still buys bread on his way home because my mother loves the smell of fresh loaves. It’s not a line in a script. It’s a rhythm.
When you build love into the ordinary, the extraordinary moments stop feeling like pressure. They become a bonus, not the foundation.
📘 If you’re learning how to build emotional connection in everyday life, Dr. Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight (affiliate link) teaches the science of lasting emotional bonds in a way that feels human and hopeful.
2. Attraction Fades, But Tenderness Grows Roots
When I was younger, I thought beauty kept a man. That was before I saw what thirty years of shared suffering looked like.
My mom’s hair is streaked with gray now, and my dad’s steps are slower. But they’ve grown softer with each other.
They tease like old friends. They forgive like old souls.
Love that lasts learns to adore the soul behind the skin.
Netflix doesn’t show you that—because tenderness doesn’t trend. But it’s the only thing that survives time.
💡 If you’re curious about the deeper side of attraction, I recommend The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. (affiliate link) It’s not just a relationship book—it’s a manual for loving someone in the way they understand love.
3. Real Love Is a Repetition, Not a Feeling
My parents pray together every morning. The same words. The same time. For years.
It used to bore me. But now, I get it.
Love is sustained by repetition—the small daily yeses.
It’s what turns affection into devotion.
Most modern relationships collapse because we chase novelty. But love grows stronger in familiarity. In knowing how someone takes their tea, and remembering it years later.
❤️ For anyone who struggles with consistency in relationships, the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller (affiliate link) helps you understand your attachment style and how to build emotional security that lasts.
4. They Don’t Keep Score—They Keep Faith
I once asked my mom how she stayed with my dad through all the hard years. She said,
“When I married him, I didn’t promise an easy life. I promised a shared one.”
That hit me.
She never saw her sacrifices as losses. They were investments in something bigger than pride.
Old couples don’t count wounds—they count moments that are worth forgiving.
In a world obsessed with “boundaries” and “self-care,” that kind of surrender feels outdated. But it’s not weakness—it’s wisdom. It’s knowing when to bend so love doesn’t break.
5. They Don’t Chase Perfection, They Practice Grace
My dad snores. My mom forgets things. But when I watch them, I see two imperfect people who chose grace over correction.
They don’t demand change. They inspire it.
And that’s the quiet secret to lasting love—it’s not fixing someone; it’s loving them so honestly they grow around your kindness.
Modern love often feels transactional.
But grace… grace is what keeps people coming home.
6. They Make Love Feel Safe, Not Just Exciting
Netflix teaches us to crave spark. But spark fades.
What stays is safety.
When my mom walks into a room, my dad still straightens up like he’s seen something holy. Not because of lust, but because she’s home.
That’s the kind of love that heals.
The kind that stays soft even when life gets hard.
It’s the kind of love I once ran from—when a woman I loved gave me that same safety, and I mistook it for boredom.
She believed in me. Always said, “You can do it. I trust you.”
I thought she didn’t care enough. So I went looking for fire elsewhere.
When she left, I saw the truth—safety was the fire.
I met her again months later. She’d grown radiant, confident, untouchable. I was proud and jealous all at once.
That’s when I finally understood what I’d lost.
7. They Don’t Fall in Love—They Grow Into It
Every year, my parents remind me that love isn’t something you find. It’s something you become.
When I look at them now—two people who’ve survived decades of storms—I see love as an evolution.
The kind that forgives easily. The kind that holds space for grief, laughter, and silence alike.
Love, real love, isn’t cinematic.
It’s the quiet courage of two souls growing side by side, choosing not to quit when quitting seems easier.
And maybe that’s the one lesson rom-coms will never teach:
That love, in its truest form, is not about excitement.
It’s about endurance.
Final Reflection: The Kind of Love Worth Waiting For
When I think about my parents, I realize they didn’t just love each other—they built a home in each other.
Their story reminds me that real love isn’t perfect. It’s just real.
And maybe that’s what I’m searching for too—a love that’s ordinary, but lasting.
A love that’s not about being adored, but about being known.
Because in the end, the thing old couples know about love that Netflix rom-coms never teach is this:
You don’t find your person. You build them—with time, tenderness, and truth.
If You Want to Build That Kind of Love:
Here are a few timeless reads to help you go deeper:
- 💞 Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
- 💞 The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- 💞 Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Each of these has helped me understand what my parents lived, and what I once lost.
Because love, at its best, is something you keep learning—forever.
I write stories about creation — not just in the cosmic sense, but the human one. About how small things, and even smaller moments between people, become infinite when touched by belief and love.
