Discover five eye-opening truths about love that have the potential to transform your relationships.
Poor Blake feels frustrated and miserable about his love life.
Just like the majority of people, he wishes to enjoy great and satisfying relationships instead of being in an unhealthy and messy one.
But all the relationships he had ever found himself in are downright shallow, superficial, messy, mediocre, and everything but healthy and satisfying.
He knows he’s a fierce lover who would go any length to make his relationships work. But didn’t know what he was doing wrong. Hell, he doesn’t even think he’s doing something wrong at all. He believes he might be probably unlucky with love.
But the truth is that, if he had learned, accepted, and made peace with some hardcore truths about love and relationships, enjoying one would have been a lot easier for him.
Also looking for antidotes to the devastating feelings that come with an endless litany of messy, mediocre, shallow, and superficial relationships?
Here’s a curated list of blunt truths about love and relationships that might make you rethink the way you look at relationships.
“Vulnerability is the surest path to true and deep connection.”
Does asking a love interest out scare the sh*t out of you because of the possibility of rejection?
Or does it seem like you mostly end up in shallow and superficial relationships?
People simply close themselves up to vulnerability and bottle up their emotions, thoughts, opinions, etc, because they aren’t comfortable with them. Yet, they wonder why they struggle heavily with dating or end up in shallow, superficial, and even messy relationships.
If you’re uncertain about how a love interest might think of you in return or fear that their feelings might not match yours, you’ll always cower in fear of asking one out.
In the same way, if you’re unable to express your feelings, thoughts, opinions, and desires without giving a da*n about what others think of you, you might have nothing but a litany of shallow and superficial relationships.
I was the type that’ll never let himself get mad at his now ex-girlfriend no matter what she did. And that was mostly because I couldn’t afford to be vulnerable with my feelings out of fear of seeming or appearing weak, dramatic, or something else. But not anymore.
Embracing vulnerability makes it easier for you to enjoy deeper connections and even better relationships with romantic partners, prospective dates, friends, family, colleagues, etc.
When you aren’t open to vulnerability, you might easily fall into the habit of blaming others for everything that goes wrong in your relationship instead of taking responsibility for the roles you played no matter how small they may be.
Or you might shy away from calling someone out when they strike a particular nerve by doing something hurtful, annoying, or insensitive to you.
And like you might have already known, either or both of the above habits will certainly make relationships everything but healthy, happy, and satisfying.
That’s why you should learn to be more vulnerable in your everyday life. And stop concealing your rough edges, flaws, and imperfections from the world.
The one of the most vital truths about love and relationships I’ve come to learn over the years is this: the more vulnerable you can be, the deeper and better your relationships will be.
“Love is more about complementarity than compatibility”
A lot of people waste a considerable amount of time jumping from one relationship to another on the basis of not being compatible with each partner they end things with.
However, the cruel reality is that compatibility is overrated. Because the similarities in personality traits that bring two people together often don’t hold up over time.
That’s why there are a lot of couples today divorcing or breaking up based on incompatibility with the popular “We have nothing in common” songs on their lips despite being attracted to each other in the first place because of some common interests, hobbies, you name it. And in the long run, either or both of them, you know, drifted from their common interests.
We just need to be honest about this: there’s no such thing as a 100 percent compatible couple. All couples disagree about some things. And they might even grow to disagree about what they both agreed on initially.
Hence, the key to great and satisfying long-term relationships lies in how couples manage their differences. And what’s the best way to manage differences?
One word: Complementarity.
This means that couples need to work towards seeing that their similarities and differences complement each other.
Thus, It’s okay if your significant other is different from you because the differences will make you and your partner better versions of yourselves.
That’s if you stop battling out your similarities and dissimilarities and instead focus on how they each complement and balance each other as you both work on strengthening your weaknesses.
Check this out: 5 Main Pillars Of Successful Relationships
“Your romantic relationships mirror the one you have with yourself.”
Love and relationships to many, are essential parts of the human experience. Many of us want to find love and even enjoy healthy, happy, and satisfying relationships. Which is quite okay.
But you just have to keep in mind that the relationship you have with yourself comes first.
One of the most important truths about love and relationships that isn’t often talked about is: you’ll only be capable of loving and receiving love in a healthy and functional relationship when you love yourself first.
Specifically, when you love yourself enough to feel adequate, worthy, and deserving of a relationship with a prospective date or partner.
And not when you’re so insecure and lacking self-love and knowledge of your self-worth and value as you always define your value based on the people in your life or worse, place your value below your romantic partner or prospective date.
I always think of love as a blood transfusion where everyone is supposed to have one blood group (O) and Rhesus D (negative).
Hence, if you don’t have blood group (O) and Rhesus D (negative) blood type, you can’t donate or receive blood. Else, there will be a transfusion reaction.
In essence, everyone is supposed to love themselves first. Hence, if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love or receive love healthily. Else, you’ll either be a constant victim of toxic relationships or will always push away your romantic partners by idolizing and putting them on a pedestal.
That’s why having a great relationship with yourself makes up for a healthier, happier, and more satisfying love life.
“Casting your happiness on your partner won’t really make you happy.”
Most people are addicted to making the mistake of making their partners the only source of happiness they’ve got in their lives. Instead of trying to discover and walk down the path of keeping themselves happy in their relationships.
Yet, depending solely on one’s partner for happiness or relying completely on one’s partner to feel happy and fulfilled is nothing but an act of codependency.
That’s why you’re supposed to be able to be happy on your own.
You’re supposed to always aim for a relationship where you and your partner will maintain some levels of independence in almost all aspects of your lives including your sources of happiness outside the relationship.
Instead of using your partner as an oasis because you’re generally unhappy with your life.
Because it won’t help you attain true happiness but will ensure that you and your partner end up feeling more miserable and unhappy than you’ll ever feel happy and satisfied in your relationship.
Because the truth is, no one can truly make you happy or supply all of the things you require for happiness unless you first make yourself happy.
Hence, it will be utterly terrifying and discouraging for your partner if you cast your happiness on them. It becomes worse when you make it seem like their only priority should be making you happy.
Because they’ll eventually sense that they cannot always make you happy which will, in turn, force them into fear of abandonment if they consistently fail to make you happy and that’ll only stifle the happiness of the both of you.
Nothing beats being happy with your life and your partner adds to it. Because it means you’ll be enjoying a truly happy and satisfying relationship with yourself and your partner.
“You shouldn’t have to try too hard to prove your worth to someone”
We all want to be romantically involved with partners who love, appreciate, and respect us.
But sometimes, some of us make the mistake of trying too hard to prove our values and worth to dating prospects or people we are romantically involved with, forgetting that affection isn’t conditional and that we don’t have to fight for it.
Which is a shameful behavior that’s nothing but a lack of knowledge of one’s self-worth and value.
That’s why for whatever reason, you should never put a dating prospect or partner on a pedestal up to the extent that you begin to feel the urge to sell yourself to that person because it’s a terrible position to be in.
And it’s also a worthless effort if you have to prove your worth and love to someone because that person will never know your worth no matter how hard you try.
That’s why you should always bear in mind that there’s somebody else out there for you whom you don’t need to sell yourself to because they’ll know your value without you having to prove it all the time.
Suggested readings: 7 Subtle Differences Between Truly Happy Couples, and The Rest
John Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life.