They don’t want your heart. They want your knees.
Let that sink in.
Because if you’ve ever tried loving a narcissist, you probably walked away confused, hollow, and ashamed—wondering how something that looked so good from the outside could leave you feeling so broken on the inside.
It took me years to see it clearly.
To understand that narcissists don’t want love.
They want control.
And the scariest part?
They hide that truth behind kisses, compliments, and “you’re the only one who gets me.”
They lure you in with what looks like intimacy.
But all they really want is a mirror.
Someone to reflect their fantasy back to them—on cue, without question.
Someone to applaud the performance.
Someone to lose themselves… in them.
Let me show you exactly how they do it.
🎁 Free Guide for You
Stop getting hooked by clever narcissist texts.
Grab 10 Text Traps (And How to See Them Coming) — free.
They Crave Neediness, Not Love
A narcissist doesn’t want to be loved.
They want to be needed.
But not in the warm, healthy way. Not the kind of need that exists between two whole people who support each other.
They want you to rely on them.
For approval.
For security.
For reality itself.
They’ll build you up just enough to believe they’re your lifeline.
Then they start pulling back.
Subtly. Strategically.
A compliment gets replaced by a criticism.
Your confidence starts to waver.
And without realizing it, you begin shrinking your voice to protect theirs.
I was that guy once.
The one who stopped texting his friends because “she didn’t like their energy.”
The one who asked her opinion on everything because mine wasn’t good enough anymore.
Looking back, it wasn’t love that kept me. It was addiction.
To her validation.
To her approval.
To not losing her.
And that’s exactly how she wanted it.
They Mirror Your Dreams Until You Forget Them
At first, it was intoxicating.
Everything I said, she echoed.
“You want to write? Me too.”
“You love traveling? God, same.”
“You believe in deep, soul-level love? That’s what I’ve been waiting for.”
It felt magical.
Finally, someone who saw me.
But then things started to shift.
She questioned my writing.
Said I should focus on more “practical” things.
Mocked my travel dreams as childish.
And before I knew it, I was chasing her dreams instead.
Her career.
Her goals.
Her spotlight.
Mine didn’t matter anymore. And worse? I believed they shouldn’t.
That’s how it works.
They mirror you, not because they care, but because it builds trust.
And once they have your trust, they use it to bend your reality.
Suddenly you’re just a supporting character in a play you didn’t audition for.
Also read: 7 Tiny Things Narcissistic Husbands Do That Feel “Normal” (But Slowly Kill You Inside)
They Demand You Fall in Love With Their Mask
Narcissists are masters of disguise.
They don’t show you who they are. They show you who you want them to be.
It’s seductive.
The charming entrepreneur.
The deep, wounded artist.
The wild soul who “just wants to be truly seen.”
They know the lines.
They play the part flawlessly.
Until you get too close.
Until you start seeing past the script.
Because real love sees flaws.
And narcissists hate that.
They don’t want to be loved for who they are.
They want to be adored for the character they invented.
The moment you stop clapping?
You become the enemy.
See the Cracks? They’ll Make You Pay
One time, I gently called her out on something she said the night before.
“You told me you were home, but I saw your location. You were at his place.”
I wasn’t angry. I just wanted the truth.
She didn’t deny it. She didn’t explain.
She flipped it.
“I can’t believe you’re stalking me.”
“You’re so controlling.”
“You always ruin everything good.”
And just like that, I was apologizing.
To the person who lied.
Because narcissists don’t tolerate being exposed.
They punish you for noticing.
They gaslight you until you doubt your own eyes.
And the more truth you see, the more dangerous you become.
So they silence you with shame.
Loyalty Means Nothing Unless It Hurts You
To a narcissist, love is a test.
Will you defend them when they’re wrong?
Will you lie for them?
Will you cut off your best friend because they “make me uncomfortable”?
They don’t want loyalty. They want submission.
And every time you sacrifice your truth to stay in their good graces, they reward you.
Not with love. Not with depth.
With just enough affection to keep you hungry.
It’s a sick cycle.
They poke you, watch you bleed, then offer the bandage.
And they call that love.
But it’s not.
It’s domination dressed up in roses.
I wish I could go back and tell myself:
If you have to betray your values to be loved, you’re not being loved. You’re being controlled.
Suggested reading: 11 Creepy Ways Narcissists Secretly Rewire Your Brain (And You Don’t Even Notice It’s Happening)
The Hardest Truth: Worship Isn’t Love
A lot of people confuse obsession with passion.
Possession with affection.
But real love doesn’t clip your wings.
It doesn’t make you question your sanity.
It doesn’t turn your dreams into threats.
If someone only loves you when you’re small, they don’t love you.
They fear what happens when you grow.
And growth is exactly what a narcissist cannot tolerate.
Because they built a temple around their ego, and you were supposed to kneel—not rise.
Let them keep their temple.
You were never meant to worship anyone.
You were meant to be seen.
To be heard.
To be chosen without conditions.
FAQs
1. Why do narcissists fear real intimacy?
Because true intimacy requires vulnerability, honesty, and accountability—all things that threaten the mask they’ve carefully built.
2. Can narcissists love at all?
They can desire connection, but their version of love is usually based on control, image, and validation, not mutual growth.
3. How do I start healing after leaving a narcissist?
Begin by rebuilding trust with yourself. Validate your experiences. Journal. Talk to safe people. Let your voice come back to life.
4. Is it my fault they treated me that way?
No. You didn’t cause their behavior. You were just the one brave enough to love someone who couldn’t return it.
5. What should I watch for in the future?
Look for consistency, empathy, and accountability. If someone demands blind loyalty and punishes honesty—walk.
Discover: 10 Texts Narcissists Send to Rewrite History (And How to See Through Them)
Now Your Turn
Have you ever been in a relationship where love felt like worship?
Where you had to lose yourself just to keep the peace?
Tell your story.
Someone out there needs to hear it.
Your truth is more powerful than their illusion.
So drop a comment. Be real. Be raw.
Because the moment you stop protecting their image—you start reclaiming your voice.
🎁 Free Guide for You
Stop getting hooked by clever narcissist texts.
Grab 10 Text Traps (And How to See Them Coming) — free.
John Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life.
