What is a relationship about? Explore our insightful article to uncover the 7 essential elements that every great relationship possesses. Gain valuable insights and enhance your understanding of what makes relationships thrive.
I might not know you personally, but I do know that you also deserve a healthy, satisfying, and happy relationship.
I know you’re trying hard, giving your all, and doing everything possible to create and nurture quality, deep, and healthy relationships.
I know you often feel disheartened and defeated whenever an effort to create one came crashing, yet, you still haven’t given up. And you shouldn’t.
You might be wondering, “What is a relationship about?” when it seems like your experiences often end up messy, while others appear to have smooth and fulfilling partnerships.
And I know that it sometimes feels like your love life will forever suck.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a divine or magic formula to transform your love life.
But below are a few of the most vital ingredients every great relationship has at all times, following the same recipe will make it a lot easier to navigate through the tough journey of building great and satisfying relationships.
1. Intelligent management of arguments.
One of the easiest ways to make your relationship miserable is by being so adamant, difficult, and insistent on being right in every confrontational situation.
For instance, you were supposed to have a dinner date with your partner but came back an hour late because something came up at the office and you’re bent on proving you’re right when your partner confronts you aggressively as a result of anger and disappointment.
Or you’re frustrated with your partner for failing to do the dishes and you’re bent on proving that she always doesn’t do the dishes because of all the times she left the dishes in the past which aren’t up to a fraction of the times she did the dishes — she’s doing her best in that aspect.
Does any of these sound familiar?
Here’s the very best way to intelligently handle arguments: Every time you feel this desire to be right or win an argument during heated situations, remind yourself that you might win the argument but lose the relationship.
That’s why you most times need to adjust and give up the desire to win the war so that you can win the battle.
Your partner is mad at you for failing to make it to your dinner date which isn’t entirely your fault or practically beyond your control, apologize and try to see that she calms down first before you can tell her the exact reason for your lateness in a way that doesn’t take the responsibility off your shoulders.
In the same way, you confronted your partner for failing to do the dishes, you should be wise enough to listen to why she wasn’t able to do it instead of being bent on reinforcing that she always doesn’t do the dishes. Besides, it’s something you can help out with.
By the way, do you see the correlation between the two scenarios?
What is a relationship about if not fostering mutual understanding? The harsh truth is that being so focused on being right during arguments hinders communication. This dynamic of criticism and defensiveness makes it difficult for either or both parties to compromise, posing a huge threat to the relationship.
That’s why in every great relationship, winning the battle of making the relationship work is far more important to the couple than being right or winning an argument.
Also read: Four Reasons Why Some People Have It Hard Falling In Love
2. Unconditional and unreserved acceptance of each other.
I used to so believe in the idea of having what I wanted my ideal partner to be like that I even try to impose some of my unrealistic ideals on my previous partners.
I was dead wrong.
The truth is, that accepting someone for who they are instead of who you want them to be is a vital ingredient of great relationships.
You don’t mold someone into your ideal version of a great partner to enjoy a great relationship. First, you accept them for everything they are. Then, you both work towards becoming the best versions of yourselves.
If you can manage to accept and respect your partner enough to avoid objectifying or putting them on unrealistic pedestals, look beyond their imperfections and embrace their flaws and avoid comparing them to your ex-partners, enjoying great relationships will become easier.
What is a relationship about? People who enjoy great relationships understand this concept, which is why they focus on appreciating their partners’ good qualities rather than dwelling on what their partners lack.
When we struggle to accept our partners for who they are, we usually don’t do so because our partners are so terrible, but because of our made-up fairytale ideals of a great partner, we have deep within us that we couldn’t find in other people we’ve dated in the past.
Forgetting that a relationship that’s based on one person consistently seeking to change the other is certainly doomed to fail.
Also read: 7 Reasons You Suck At Relationships
3. This humane and compassionate quality.
Most people could easily enjoy great relationships if they were self-aware and compassionate enough to apologize when in wrong and forgive when wronged.
Whether on purpose or unknowingly, it’s logically and practically impossible not to be hurt or not to hurt your partner in a relationship. It’s humane.
Yet, a lot of us find it difficult to sincerely and effectively apologize whenever we unintentionally or otherwise hurt our partners.
On the other hand, a lot of us still can’t bring ourselves to forgive the wrongs of our partners even when they acknowledge their wrongs and seek forgiveness.
We prefer not to restore and make our relationships happy and even healthy than give up our egos to admit our errors and offer sincere apologies.
What is a relationship about? It’s not about being consumed by bitterness or holding onto the pain caused by our partners. Instead, a great relationship embraces forgiveness and the ability to let go.
4. Unrestricted and courageous openness.
Your courage to be completely open with little to no reservations determines the depth of the connection you have with your partner.
If you spend the entire time in your relationship bottling up your negative emotions or grievances towards your partner, painful or uncomfortable truths, confusion, sorrows, fears, and insecurities, you’ll likely be more unhappy than otherwise in the relationship.
You might be shying away from being vulnerable and open in your relationship out of fear that opening up might result in conflicts, judgments, and what have you.
What is a relationship about? If you constantly bottle up stress and let resentments build, you might explode, causing a mind-boggling fight that could ultimately lead to the relationship’s end.
Sounds horrible, right?
That’s why you should be courageously open and vulnerable no matter how frightening it might be because avoiding issues will most likely result in bigger problems in the long run.
And hence, why couples in great relationships don’t try to avoid the inevitable instead, they look out for productive and effective ways to resolve things as soon as possible.
Discover: Top 5 Life Lesson Quotes About Relationships You Should Know
5. Total respect and honor of dissimilar needs.
We all have different and unique needs that are fundamental to our happiness in our relationships and even in life in general.
We all must have in one way or another, heard and know that relationships are all about giving and taking, which in other words, is meeting one another’s needs.
Yet, a lot of us are so terrible that we care only about our needs disregarding and in the worst-case scenario, disrespecting the needs of the other party.
We all deeply crave understanding and attention towards our feelings, interests, preferences or habits even towards sex, etc, yet, most of us do nothing but invalidate our partners’ desires.
And the more we pay little to no attention to our partners’ desires, the more our relationships turn out to be mediocre.
So here’s what to do: Both you and your partner should be highly respectful and understanding of each other’s needs or desires even when it means you don’t always get what you want.
What is a relationship about? It’s about being loving, compassionate, and empathetic towards each other, creating a balanced space where you can appreciate and celebrate your differences. Instead of using similarities or dissimilarities to gauge compatibility, focus on how complementarity can build strong, meaningful connections.
6. Care about each other’s pains.
We live in a world where suppression of uncomfortable emotions and even pain avoidance is the order of the day.
What is a relationship about? We understand the agony and discomfort that arise from pain inflicted by loved ones or stressful, traumatic events. This is why many people, consciously or subconsciously, steer clear of their partners’ pains and sorrows.
Yet, being there for one’s partner during painful moments won’t only deepen the bond and strengthen the connection between both partners, but will eventually ensure that their relationship attains the status of A Great Relationship.
In fact, it’s one of the chief things great relationships have at all times.
Even if you’re the cause of your partner’s pains, validating and empathizing with your partner’s feelings and pains will not only bring about transformational amends but means you’re loving enough to care about your partner’s pains and healing.
Giving your partner a stable feeling of assurance that you are also on the same team against their pains and a feeling of a sense of safety in a fearful and unfriendly world, will make you a safe haven for your partner amid fearful and agonizing situations.
Listening instead of giving unsolicited pieces of advice when your partner is experiencing painful moments like the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or going through post-traumatic experiences is unarguably the best gift you can gift them.
What is a relationship about? It’s about daring to be that supportive, ever-loving, and encouraging figure your partner needs during tough times, enhancing your bond for the better.
7. Reciprocal emotional generosity.
Do you ever feel like you’re over sacrificing in a relationship but get little to no reciprocating sacrifices from your partner?
If you did, it probably made you feel miserable and unloved enough. Instead of a situation where your sincerest and generous sacrifices that are coming from your loving heart are being reciprocated, it’s being taken as an unfair advantage at your expense.
The problem is, that we often find ourselves on either side of this unbalanced equation.
Self-sacrificial love, martyrdom, and even resentments as a result of one-sided sacrifices are absent in great relationships. Period.
What is a relationship about? For better, healthier, and more satisfying connections, there must be a deep love between both parties, allowing them to give from their hearts whenever possible.
Nothing beats a relationship where sacrificing or even giving up your own needs at a time will be reciprocated in the long run instead of being taken advantage of.
