The pain of loving someone who doesn’t love me back is killing me. I feel like my world has crumbled.
Can’t I just stop feeling this pain? asked Blake.
Sound familiar, right?
Often, loving someone who doesn’t love you in return can be devastating. It even sucks.
Whether you’re in love with someone who simply doesn’t love you back, or your partner stopped loving you, unrequited love is just a painstaking experience.
It’s easy to live in hope that things are someday going to change and they may come back to you. But that may never happen.
So, you should figure out how to get over loving someone that doesn’t love you back. I know it’s hard and difficult but it’s not impossible.
Maybe it’s not as hard as you think it is.
Shall I show you how?
#1 Make Peace With The Brutal Truth
And what is this brutal truth? This person doesn’t need or love you.
Perhaps you’re intensely pained and don’t want to let go. You even wonder why they stopped loving you or don’t even love you in the first place.
You keep hoping and believing that they will grow to love you someday in the future.
But that’s wrong. Because loving someone who doesn’t love you back sucks besides, “someday” is in the future and you’re in the present.
What’s the point of subjecting yourself to pain in hope that things will be better in the future that you have no control over? What if it never does?
The best thing to do is to make peace with the truth no matter how unbearable it might be.
Accept the fact that you love someone who doesn’t love you in return because it’s the only way to take a leap of the situation and embrace the future you deserve.
Also read: 5 Signs Someone Never Really Loved You
#2. Admit To Your Feelings
Do you think it’s easy to forget someone you love by just pretending that you’ve gotten over them?
After all, you truly love and cherish this person, you’re even planning your future together, probably this person made you believe that love exists.
If so, then you’re wrong…..
Your feelings won’t disappear automatically simply because you’re running from them.
So you should acknowledge the way you truly feel or the way your lost lover felt about you instead of trying to suppress them.
Selma June from Herway.net says
“Once you express your feelings to yourself, you’ll know exactly what you have to deal with. Is this something temporary or your unrequited love for this person is deeper than that?”
As Selma June says brutally admitting to your feelings makes it easier to get over them. You’ll even know the depth of your unrequited love for this person.
Read also: 5 Things To Remember When You’re In Pain Of Being Cheated On
#3. Give Your Wounds Time To Recuperate
Every wound and injury require time to heal and emotional wounds are no different.
Giving yourself time to heal is one of the best ways to overcome emotional pains.
You need to give yourself enough time to grieve and your healing will happen over time. Come on, don’t hold on to your emotions, if you feel like crying or screaming, don’t hold back, just do it.
I’m not saying you should cling to this behavior and make it your habit. All you have to do is let your pains, frustration, and disappointments out of your head once and for all. And with time, you will be fine.
Also Read: 7 Really Small Things that Will Tell if You’re with the Right Person
#4. Never Blame Yourself
Don’t try to take it personally or blame yourself.
Because it’s not your fault.
There’s a whole lot of reasons why you were rejected or dumped by your crush or ex. This ranges from your crush’s pre-dating-history, your crush might be in a serious relationship, your ex no longer loves you or your ex has fallen for someone else… And they don’t have to do with you or your personality.
And so, don’t blame yourself over a failed relationship (as you might be doing).
Blaming yourself leads you into self-doubt and lack of confidence. Which introduces into your mind, crazy thoughts like:
“She rejected me ’cause I ain’t cool and handsome; He broke up with me ’cause that girl is way hotter, sexier, and more beautiful than me…” That’s simply delusional!
And the worst part?
Lack of confidence makes you unable to move on with your life, ask another girl out, or build a better relationship with some other guy.
Your biggest option is to, boost your confidence in this sense.
And the best way to do that?
Is to quit taking your failed relationship too personal or blaming yourself.
#5. Share Your Feelings With Someone
When it comes to dealing with unrequited love, there’s one commandment you should never break:
“Thou shalt not keep thy feelings to thy self.”
This may sound a bit awful, but a lot of people do it all the time. How?
They shut themselves off from others, refusing to share their frustration and grief with friends and family.
Big no-no. If you want to get your heart free from any kind of pain, you should consider talking about your true feelings with a friend or family member.
Because according to an old saying:
“A problem shared is a problem halved.”
Talking about a problem with someone else usually makes it seem less daunting or troubling.
The truth is:
It’s really helpful to talk about your frustration and grief with family and friends ’cause it reduces the effect of the heartache on you.
It’s usually enough to realize that someone is listening to you.
To that end:
You should share your pains, grief, and frustration with your friend or family member.
#6. Cut-off All Ties With This Person
Avoiding anything that will make you come in contact with your beloved one helps you disengage your thoughts, attention, mind, and soul from him or her.
What’s more, being in contact with someone is the worst way to get over that person. And that’s why you should at all cost, keep them out of your sight, thoughts, mind, and out of your world.
Yeah, I do know that it isn’t easy. After all, you’re deeply in love with this person. But coming in contact won’t help in any way. Instead, you’ll be extending your days of pain, heartbreak, and torment.
And the worse part?
You’ll be deliberately hindering yourself from getting over the addiction to this lost lover. Need help on how to stay away from meeting him or her?
Easy, block them on social media, delete their numbers, avoid places you know you might meet, avoid people and things that remind you of them, in fact, get rid of their pictures, gifts they bought you, and anything that might remind you of them.
When you distract yourself from them and direct your life and thoughts towards other important things, you’ll find getting over unrequited love a lot easier.
#7. Fall In Love With Yourself And Look After Yourself
If you fall into self-neglect and subject yourself to harsh treatments simply because someone stopped loving you or doesn’t even love you back. How shameful will that be?
If your unrequited lover finds out that you are ruined or devastated because they chose not to love you anymore what do you think will be their thoughts about you?
Do you think they’ll feel sorry for you and come back to you? Of course, they won’t and you know it.
Instead, they might even be happy that you’re addicted to them and can’t survive without them. Or worse, they may even make jest of you calling you weak and desperate.
I’m sure you don’t want to be an object of pity. Do you?
What should you do then?
Fall in love with yourself, make yourself happy, take care of yourself, don’t resort to smoking and excessive drinking, remember that you had your life before falling in love with that person.
Come on. There’s only one you and you’ve got only one life. Why mope over someone that doesn’t love you? Cheer up, refill your spirit with happiness, go shopping, get new clothes, change your looks and lead a happier life.
If you can’t love yourself how can you expect another person to love you?
#8. Try Some Physical Exercises
One of the most effective ways to get over unrequited love is to restore and reclaim your emotional balance. And one of the best ways to do that? Is by going for some physical exercises.
Hit the gym, go for fitness classes, go for jogging sessions, try swimming or any exercise you can do.
Exercises are one of the greatest ways to eliminate negative emotions. And when you’re filled with positivity, you won’t have time for depression or sadness associated with unrequited love.
So just have fun and make yourself happy.
#9. Think Of The Positive Aspects
So you’re in love with someone that doesn’t love you back and feel as if your world has come to an end?
Don’t you think you’re being delusional?
Maybe they used to love you and all of a sudden, they stopped loving you, maybe you feel like you’re not loved enough, or you aren’t even loved in the first place. Whatever your case may be, I just want you to know that it’s not as bad as you think it is.
If only you can look into the positive aspects of the situation with an open mind, you’ll realize that it’s a blessing in disguise.
“Think of this as a test of your strength and as something which will shape you into becoming the best possible version of yourself.” ~ Selma June of herway.net
I’m sure there’s a huge life lesson or lessons to learn from such experience. Something like: learning not to waste your time loving someone who doesn’t deserve your affection and a lot more.
#10. Take Some Time Before Jumping Into Another Relationship
If you think you’ll get over your heartbreak by jumping into another relationship, you’re mistaken.
You’ll only be making that person a rebound to you and that’s a very dangerous decision.
Because you’ll be delaying the process of getting over your ex as you’ll be pretending to be fine. But how sure are you that it won’t end up in tears sooner rather than later?
You’ll be hindering yourself from finding a better relationship that you always hope for because your rebound will give you a sense of security and hence, stop you from attending social events where you can meet a potential date.
And the worst part?
You might be hurting that person who might innocently think that you love him or her. Yeah, nobody wants to be treated as a rebound.
Instead, give yourself time to heal and bring back the smile on your face before thinking of another relationship.
Or simply put, until you’ve moved on and completely gotten over your failed relationship, do not attempt jumping into another one.
Remember Blake who couldn’t put up with the pain of unrequited love?
If you’re like her, your priority is to get over loving someone that doesn’t love you.
So, you don’t have to grieve over a failed relationship or a relationship that failed to work.
Distract your thoughts from your lost lover. Make yourself happy. Enjoy your new-found freedom.
And after you’ve gotten over your ex-love, try dating again.
Wishing you the very best!
John Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life.