About 16 months ago, I was in a relationship that could be best described as an “abusive relationship.” It was one of the most terrible experiences I have ever had in my life. I always try whatever I could do to make the relationship work, to make my girlfriend happy, and satisfied.

But I ended up being a tool she controls and manipulates as she pleases. Whatever I do always go unappreciated. It even got to a time that I will have to apologize even when she offends and hurts me. It was then that I knew that our relationship is headed to the dumps. But as a lover boy, I decided to fight for my love by looking for answers to save an already crumbling relationship. But it never stopped things from falling apart.

And after things fell apart, I started looking for how to get over a failed relationship and as I struggled through the heartbreak and heartache of which I eventually pulled through, I noticed that there were some vital ingredients of successful and healthy relationships that my previous relationship lacked that made it to be a hell of an experience.

The truth is, a relationship that isn’t built around these essentials for successful and healthy relationships, will certainly have an ugly ending in no distant time.

So here are the 5 pillars of successful relationships, which all relationships require to thrive.

1. Trust

The ability of couples to trust each other wholeheartedly will make their relationship stand the test of times more than anything else. Here’s why:

A relationship that is built on trust is void of unnecessary arguments that are fueled by unreasonable suspicions. Trust as one of the most important pillars of successful relationships increases love because you’ll only love someone wholeheartedly if you trust that person.

And the best part?

Trust enhances stronger bonds between couples and helps them overcome all differences and difficulties. Because when you feel safe and secure with your partner, you won’t be compelled by the perpetual fear of losing that person to consistently ask them of their whereabouts, who they talk to on phone or social media, who they go out with, and all other insecure habits that might eventually lead to the end of the relationship.

While it takes time to build trust, staying with a partner that doesn’t trust you or that you don’t trust shouldn’t be an option. If you can’t bring yourself to trust them or if they don’t trust you enough, you shouldn’t stay together. Or better still, you can both work towards building trust in your relationship.

Also read: 5 Of The Easiest Ways To Be Unhappy In A Good Relationship

2. Communication

Of course, it goes without saying that a relationship where partners don’t communicate their needs, will break up sooner or later.

In other words, a relationship where there is little or no room for both parties to share their feelings, communicate their needs and expectations, and above all, be listened to, will certainly not stand the test of times. Because it lacks one of the biggest pillars of successful relationships.

When both parties can communicate effectively, it becomes one of the essential pillars of successful relationships. Effective communication ensures that both partners are always on the same page, which in turn makes it easier for them to openly and freely discuss their problems.

By fostering open and honest dialogue, effective communication plays a crucial role in conflict resolution. It creates a safe space for both partners to express their concerns, needs, and perspectives, making it easier for them to reach a compromise whenever the need arises.

The pillar of effective communication strengthens the foundation of the relationship, promoting understanding, empathy, and cooperation, and ultimately contributing to the overall success and well-being of the partnership.

What’s more, communication enhances the connection and bond between couples as it makes it easier for them to know each other instead of existing together like most couples that don’t take advantage of communication.

But this does not mean you should text or call each other all day long. However, it does mean that you should both find a communication balance that is comfortable for both of you.

Also read: 7 Ugliest Gaslighting Phrases To Be Wary Of In a relationship

3. Healthy boundaries

99.99 percent of most people I know have once or more times quit their relationships due to boundary violations.

That is, I see it all the time.

There was a time that my sister couldn’t bring herself to say “no” to whatever her boyfriend asks or suggests to avoid conflict or hurting her guy. Sometimes, her boyfriend deliberately says “no” to her requests or suggestions just to punish her or to keep her at arm’s length. Other times, he leaves her to guess or try to read his mind when he is supposed to communicate his thoughts or feelings. A few other times, he tries to manipulate or aggressively control her thoughts and behaviors. These are clear signs of boundary violation which was one of the core reasons behind their breakup.

The truth is, a relationship is only said to be healthy when there are boundaries or limitations to what both partners can do.

Because just like homeowners have fences dividing their properties from that of their neighbors, so also do boundaries distinguish your responsibilities from that of your partner. That’s why boundaries are one of the biggest pillars of successful relationships.

In one of his work on Mentalhelp.net, Gary Gilles explains, couples are supposed to be responsible for their respective preferences, words, bodies, emotions, values, and attitudes.

“If you don’t want to be touched because it feels bad, you have the right to say no. If you say unkind words to your partner, you take responsibility for those words and apologize. If your partner asks you why you are quiet, you have a responsibility to try and help them understand what you are feeling instead of letting them guess.” Gary Gilles wrote.

The bottom line? Establishing boundaries will enhance your relationship. Because when boundaries are in place and respected in relationships, both partners get the treatment they desire and deserve.

Also read: 7 Subtle Differences Between Truly Happy Couples, and The Rest

4. Respect

One of the worst things that can happen to anyone is being in a relationship where respect doesn’t exist.

If you find yourself in such a relationship, your partner will hardly ever care to really listen to whatever you say let alone understand your perspective or standpoint. Your choices and opinions won’t matter to them. As they’ll always try to convince you to change your mind towards most of your choices and opinions. Worse, your privacy and boundaries will be always violated. Frustrating isn’t it?

For a relationship to be healthy, there needs to be deep-rooted respect for one another between the couples. Because respect molds feelings of trust, safety, and emotional wellbeing.

Respect helps couples to accept each other despite their flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections. Respect encourages couples to tolerate each other no matter what. And respect prevents couples from doing things that might destroy their relationship.

For sure, love is what brings two people together but mutual respect is one of the things that keeps them together for a long time. Hence, it is even more important than love itself as long as long-term relationships are concerned. Making it one of the most important pillars of successful relationships.

Recommended reading: 7 Reasons You Suck At Relationships

5. Support

Whether you just started dating or you’re engaged, or married, being able to support one another no matter what will make your relationship stronger than anything else.

In fact, support isn’t just of the biggest pillars of successful relationships, but also one of the most vital ingredients of a spicy and yummy (healthy) relationship.

Because a supportive partner will always get your back no matter what as they’ll always stick up for you even when someone says mean things about you. A supportive partner will always offer you a shoulder to cry on even when you’re passing through the toughest of time.

A supportive partner won’t try to manipulate or control you or even put you down because he or she believes that you’re equal. The best part? A supportive partner will encourage you to have a successful and blissful life outside your relationship as they’ll inspire you to chase your personal goals and spend enough time with your friends and family.

Who doesn’t want such a partner? Everyone does and I’m sure you do too. Hence, for a relationship to be exclusively successful, both partners need to create a supportive and conducive environment where everyone will be free to be themselves and not feel like they need to consistently change or make tons of sacrifices for the relationship to work.

Also read: The Truth About Being Ashamed of Someone You Love

Final Thoughts

Unless partners, spouses, or couples are all able to trust each other wholeheartedly, communicate effectively, establish healthy boundaries, respect, and support one another, healthy relationships will be almost unattainable.

Truth be told, there is no perfect blueprint for successful relationships. But the above-mentioned pillars of a successful and healthy relationship will help reduce the chances of breakups and divorce.

Because relationships aren’t just about feelings of love, affection, and attraction which mostly ends after the honeymoon period. But some essential elements make them stand the test of times. That’s to say that in as much as love is important, trust, communication, healthy boundaries, respect, and support are even more important in relationships. That’s right. Because without them, relationships will only be described as “messy.”

J. Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks with more than half a decade of experience, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life. His widely read work has been featured on Tiny Buddha, The Good Men Project, Publishious, Curious, to mention but a few.

Suggested reads: 5 Truths About Relationships That Will Change The Way You Think About Love

Five Best Mindsets To Have Before Going Into a Relationship.

9 Simple Ways To Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back