How can you tell if a person is narcissistic? Watch out for these 13 shocking signs of narcissistic behavior, including manipulation, gaslighting, and lack of empathy. Learn how to spot a narcissist before it’s too late!
You might be tempted to think you can always tell when you see one.
To you, a narcissist might be someone who’s always loud. Arrogant. Shitty. And obvious.
But that’s not all.
Because one of the most dangerous things about a narcissist is their ability to sweep you off your feet with their intelligence and charm, to the extent you’ll feel loved and valued.
Before you know it, you’re already tied to them. And then boom. They reveal their real self.
Here’s the catch.
Most people often miss the red flags. But it’s not because they’re ignorant, but because narcissists are experts. They hide it all so perfectly. Behind the romantic dinners. Witty but dirty banter. And “just kidding” jokes. Are their rotten, soulless, true identities.
Shall we rip off the mask?
Here are 13 of the most ignored but disturbing signs of narcissistic behaviour. They fly under the radar. But if you ignore them, they’ll wreck your soul.
1. They Come On Strong, Then Go Ice Cold
At the beginning of the relationship, they’re all you ever wanted. They give you everything. All the attention, the love, care, and the romantic texts, until it feels like you have finally found “the one.”
And all of a sudden, just like a flip switch, they’ll turn to the negative side.
The love and affection cut. The attention disappears. You’re left wondering if you’ve done something wrong.
This is not hot or cold dynamics, it’s a strategy.
They are manipulating you. Making you chase after their validation. Like a pawn in a game of chess.
The confusion you feel is the genesis of their manipulative control.
2. Their “Jokes” Cut Like Knives
They “crack” a joke. You laugh. But you’re shrinking.
Feels weird, right? Laughing at a joke that made you feel awful?
You have every right to feel that way. Because you’re right.
It’s one of a narcissist’s favorite games. They often shrug it off as “just a joke.” But it isn’t. When all they did was make a hurtful remark about your looks, intelligence, or even dreams.
Even when they pretend it’s harmless. You feel the sting. Because it does hurt.
Try calling it out and you’ll get the classic “You’re too sensitive” response.
That’s exactly why you shouldn’t ignore it.
You deserve better than a joke that chips away at your self-worth. Treat it for what it is. A red flag dressed up in humor.
Also read: How Narcissists Break Up and Gaslight You Into Believing It’s Your Fault
3. They Turn Every Conversation Into a Power Play
Your communication style sucks. Feels more like a battle. A tug of war.
It’s always a competition. It’s all about their egos.
You tell them something good that happened to you today. They one-up it.
Share your struggles. Suddenly, their day was hell compared to yours (a piece of cake).
Listen closely. The whole communication screams:
“Let me win. Always.”
You’re only surviving their ego each time you talk. You’re not connecting.
It’s almost unnoticeable. But it’s there. In the small things. In the interrupted stories. In the redirected focus. In the endless comparisons.
I’ll repeat it, it’s never a conversation. But a competition.
And one that you were never meant to win.
4. They Starve You of Praise While Gorging On Yours
For a narcissist, compliments are like oxygen. They expect it. And even demand it.
It’s an obligation for you. You dare not fail to applaud even the tiniest thing they do.
Everything. Including their haircut. Their job. Their breath. You name it.
What about you? What happens when you do something worth celebrating?
They go silent.
At best, you’d get a half-hearted remark:
“That’s nice.”
Probably with a smirk. Obviously, telling you they didn’t care much.
Why? It’s obvious.
Praising you threatens their identity. It would mean you’re worth something. And they can’t afford to accommodate that reality.
5. They’re Always the Victim, Even When They’re the Villain
You know it’s weird, but you can’t put a finger on it. They hurt you. Betray you. Inflict unimaginable pain on you.
Yet, you’re the one at fault. They even cry about it. You end up feeling guilty and responsible.
Catch them lying. And they’ll go:
“You made me lie because you’re always overreacting.”
Catch them cheating. And they’ll tell you:
“I only did it because you were distant.”
But that’s one of their strongest traits. Twisting the truth. They do it so well that you’d easily doubt your reality. And apologize for their betrayal.
Let’s call a spade a spade.
Narcissists don’t give a damn about your forgiveness. It’s useless to them.
All they care about? It is a permission slip. Permission to keep hurting you. This is one way to ensure they get it.
Discover: These 5 Things Drive Narcissists Absolutely Crazy (And What to Do About It)
6. They Make You Question What’s Real
This one is unarguably the most lethal weapon in their arsenal. One that bends the psychological warfare to their favor.
Here’s one example:
You tell them, “You promised you’d be there.”
Their response? “That never happened, you’re making things up.”
They deny it so calmly. Firmly. That you’re buying the narrative. Second-guessing yourself.
Even though you know deep down. That you heard it. That it is true.
Well, the thing is, it’s not forgetfulness. Neither is it miscommunication.
It’s downright manipulation. You’re being gaslighted.
It’s all but a mind game. The sole goal? Make you easier to control.
7. They Weaponize Silence Like a Loaded Gun
You won’t hear them scream. You won’t see them slamming doors.
Instead, they’ll turn silent.
Your messages will get ignored. You’ll become invisible to them. It’ll feel like you’re being punished as they withhold affection.
Leaving you in a fruitless battle to “fix” things. You’ll walk on eggshells, hoping to finally break the silence. Apologize for things you didn’t do and sometimes, for existing.
The gospel truth?
You’re being manipulated. It’s not sadness. Not mood swings. Their silence is a weapon.
You may also like: 14 Things Narcissists Say When They’re Cheating
8. They Become Your Twin—Until They Don’t
You’ve probably thought it was destiny.
Like it was fate.
The way they love what you love. Try to talk like you. And even move the way you do.
Newsflash: that’s a trick called mirroring.
The goal is to become you so perfectly that you let your guard down and trust them fast. That kind of deep, blind trust.
Then, their real self will emerge once they’ve won your loyalty and commitment.
Leaving you in a relationship with a stranger who once wore your soulmate’s face as a mask.
9. They Sabotage You in Subtle, Soul-Crushing Ways
They act weird when you get a promotion.
They discourage you when you chase a dream.
They won’t even let you be when you try to shine. They’ll find ways to dim your shine.
Before your big day. They’ll ruin it with their drama. Or maybe they poison your mind with thoughts like: “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” — a classic attempt to plant tiny doubt bombs in your head.
They’re simply competing instead of supporting you.
And when you win? They hate it.
10. They Poison People Against You Without Ever Getting Their Hands Dirty
Your trusted friends. Colleagues. And even family. All of a sudden, they become the narcissist’s army against you.
While you were innocently going about your life, someone has been feeding them with half-truths. Twisted stories. And still playing innocent.
They just love controlling and directing the narrative.
Don’t fall for their pretence. Words like:
- “I’m seriously worried about her… she’s been so emotional lately.”
- “He’s great, but overreacts to everything.”
Don’t come from a place of concern.
They’re just recruiting their army.
11. Their Compliments Are Tiny Stabs in Disguise
As you must have already known, narcissists have one specialty. Control.
They’ve got many tools at their disposal to achieve this.
Hence, comments like:
“You look good… for once.”
“Wow, I didn’t expect you to do that well.”
“You’re not as dumb as you seem.”
Are far from compliments. They’re nothing but control devices.
They so badly want you to chase their praise like your life depends on it.
Their biggest goal? To train and rewire your brain to crave their validation, they’ll never give freely.
12. They Fake Empathy Better Than Oscar Winners
For narcissists, empathy is simply performative. It’s scripted. Hollow.
It’s a performance you get to see when they want something. Yes, they can cry on cue.
They’ll become a completely different person. They’ll do everything right. Hold your hands. Look deeply into your eyes. Use the right words.
But it’s a different ballgame when you need them. When life’s messy. When your heart bleeds.
The worst part? They might just make it about them.
Empathy isn’t just their thing. They know what it looks like, hence why they can fake it. But they’ve never felt it.
13. They Make You Afraid to Be Yourself
You cut yourself short around them.
You no longer speak your mind. You filter your jokes. You over-rehearse conversations in your head before you ever open your mouth.
One wrong word could trigger and detonate a disastrous bomb.
This is beyond anxiety.
It’s a response. Your nervous system is responding to a stimulus: an emotional war.
No, you’re not “oversensitive.”
Your intuition is screaming for air because you’re in a psychological chokehold.
Final Words: Trust Your Inner Alarm.
If this post feels like you, you should be proud of yourself. I’m proud of you, too. And I’m rooting for you.
Because that proves that you’re starting to see the truth.
Narcissists don’t have warning labels on their foreheads. But possesses charm. Flawless smiles. And the adequate dose of affection that ensures you don’t leave.
But beneath the mask? A hollow, empty soul that feeds off your confusion.
You’re far from broken. Neither are you crazy. Or weak.
You’re a victim. A victim of manipulation.
It’s high time you took your power back.
End things. Block them. Leave.
Never look back or think twice. Even if they beg. Even if they swear they’ve changed.
They’ll definitely sharpen this same knife.
The bitter truth?
You deserve better. True love. One that comes without conditions. Without games.
So there’s no need to settle. Especially for a painful love that comes at the expense of your clarity.
You’ve got all it takes. To heal. To rebuild.
But only if you escape the illusion first.
John Emmanuel is a results-obsessed relationship blogger and founder of Top Love Hacks, dedicated to helping you level up your dating and relationship game by motivating you to be in control of your love life.
